Life As I Know It.

So I could have very well met someone that can replace this void I have I. My life. He’s pretty much an answer to all of my relationship prayers. I made a list and he meets almost every single requirement.

I am scared though. I don’t want to rush this. And I honestly don’t mind taking this time to hang with him and get to know him inside an out before we make any official decision.

He is almost too perfect. And I like it.

I’m still feelin the rain fall
And bouncin off my skin
How long do I have to wait for
The sun to shine again
Come on paint me the rainbows
I can follow it
I don’t know where it’ll take me
But I like wonderin

Wherever you are
Where will you be
Are you the same or
Dreamin after waitin only for me
Waiting for love
Waiting for the same or
Dreamin on the other side
Hoping no matter how far I’ll find my way to you
Followin a rainbow

I’m gonna stop in the middle
Hang my feet off the edge
I got no reason to worry
I know I’ll find the end
That’s where you’ll be waiting
I hope you don’t forget
That I won’t quit till I find you
No matter the risk

Wherever you are
Where will you be
Are you the same or
Dreamin after waiting only for me
Waiting for love
Waiting for the same or
Dreamin on the other side hoping that
No matter how far I’ll find my way to you
Followin a rainbow

Stuck in my mind
I’m wasting time
I’m still on my own
I never thought that I would find my way
Into the light
Dreamin to find
Who ever you are

Wherever you are
Where will you be
Are you the same or
Dreamin on the other side waiting for me
Waiting for love
Waiting for the same or
Dreamin on the other side hoping that
No matter how far I’ll find my way to you
Followin a rainbow

Ooohooohooohooooh yea yea yea…
I know we’re gonna find it
I know we’re gonna find it
I’m never gonna let you go
I know I’m gonna find you
I know I’m gonna find you
I won’t let you go

Followin the rainbow
Followin the rainbow
Followin followin
Followin the rainbow
I’m followin a rainbow

Whoa whoa whoa…

Followin the rainbow
Followin the rainbow

Instead of posting another “Song of the Day” blog, i felt that I could just reflect on the song that I have been playing over and over again in my head. Of course this song does not correlate to what I want to happen, but more as what he may be feeling after our break-up. After seeing him this weekend, I feel that he has opened up to me more in a day that he has in the whole three years that we were together. I honestly do not know what to think of that. Yeah, it pleases me to hear all of the things he used to never admit to, like the fact that he is having a hard time sleeping knowing that he could very easily lose me forever, but how do i know that this new side of him will stay? 

I do not want to constantly be hurting him like this. It is not fair. But how do I begin to trust again when our past is continuously replaying over and over in my head. All the fights, the lies, the let-downs…… They may never go away. But how long is too long to hold a grudge?

*sigh*

I may never know.

but until I do……..

“Breaking at the Cracks” - Colbie Caillat

“Chasing Pavements”

I’ve made up my mind,
Don’t need to think it over
If I’m wrong, I am right
Don’t need to look no further,
This ain’t lust
I know this is love
But, if I tell the world
I’ll never say enough
‘cause it was not said to you
And that’s exactly what I need to do
If I end up with you

[Chorus]
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin’ pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin’ pavements
Even if it leads nowhere

I build myself up
And fly around in circles
Waitin’ as my heart drops
And my back begins to tingle
Finally, could this be it

[Chorus]
Or should I give up
Or should I just keep chasin’ pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there

Should I give up
Or should I just keep chasin’ pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place should I leave it there
Should I give up
Or should I just keep on chasin’ pavements
Should I just keep on chasin’ pavements
Ohh oh

[Chorus x2]

I wish I could stop caring as much as I do.
I wish that he could care more than he does.
I wish things could be perfect between us.

But the more that I wish, the more I realize that I’m going to be talking to the same shooting star for the rest of my life. I have a feeling that none of my wishes may ever come true. The words have stopped and the actions have completely disappeared. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Do I stop completely, too?
Do I keep pushing?
Do I move on?

I wish I knew all the answers.

                          “Turning Tables”

You would think that after all the explaining and the crying and the hoping that he would finally understand what it is that i really need in order to get back together. And yet…….he is still confused.

UGH

I don’t know. Maybe he never will. But that is all on him. I will not be there to hold his hand and guide him down the right path any longer. I am tired of stressing my self out more when I should just be focusing on what I need to do.

BLAH

Hopefully this fog will clear out soon……